Victimhood Is a Dangerous Neighborhood

If victimhood is your neighborhood, plan your move now. In other words—GET OUT!

What Keeps Us In the ‘Hood

I’ve spent 30 years fighting victim-oriented “Why me?” questions by sharing The Question Behind the Question with client audiences. The Miller’s oldest offspring, Kristin, my speaker colleague, has been doing the same for 17 years. The essence of this QBQ! thing is helping all of us (including me!) stop asking these Pity Party victim questions and start practicing Personal Accountability. The wrong questions look like this:

“Why don’t people understand me?”

“Why are others so uncaring?”

“Why is this happening to me?”

“Why would he/she say that to me?”

“Why don’t I ever get a break?”

“Why don’t they pay me more?”

“Why does my manager favor my coworkers?”

“Why don’t others work as hard as I do?”

And, of course, The Big Whine: “Why is life so unfair?!”

These questions keep us in victimhood. 👎🏻

The Cost of Staying In the ‘Hood

I am confounded by the human need to ask these questions, to feel sorry for ourselves, to play the victim perpetually. There are many negative consequences when I’m living in victimhood. Here are just ten 😉:

• • I don’t serve others

• • I don’t contribute

• • I don’t grow

• • I don’t become my best

• • I don’t build healthy relationships

• • I don’t engage in action

• • I don’t experience joy

• • I don’t make a difference
  • I don’t stop blaming
  • I don’t forgive and let go

The Victim ‘Hood Is An Angry Place

It’s a fact that anger is a secondary emotion that springs from hurt, fear, and frustration. So what do “Why me?” questions do to our minds? They keep us in an endless loop of—wait for it—hurt, fear, and frustration.

Thus, there’s a lot of anger in those who live with victim-itis. When I keep asking the blame-oriented, others-focused, lousy questions listed above, I only serve to frustrate myself. Extend my hurt. Feed my fears.

Additionally, we risk perpetually living in a community of other victims, those who hold their own Pity Parties. What we call “support groups” are great tools, till they’re not. Hard to break out of the victimhood when I only surround myself with—and attract—others suffering from victim-itis.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but sometimes we have to change our environment, which includes the company we keep, to change our hearts and minds.

How To Leave the ‘Hood

The moment I begin to ask QBQs—remember, as we say in the QBQ! book, the answers are in the questions—our emotions shift from unhealthy to, well, healthy. From negative to positive. This is good! Let’s do it now—

QBQs:

“How can I be my best today?”

“What can I do to serve those around me?”

“How can I learn, grow, and change?”

“What can I do to adapt to the changing world?”

“How can I let go of what I cannot control?”

“What can I do to express my gratitude to another?”

“How can I find joy today?”

And, of course, “What can I do to escape victimhood today?”

Want or need to relocate and make a life-changing move? Ask QBQs today. Here’s how …