Relationships: 7 Perfect Words

Relationships: 7 Perfect Words

I feel guilty when I hear Billy Joel’s classic, “Just the Way You Are.”

Why? Because I wasn’t very good at applying the tune’s message to my relationship with my gal, Karen.

At least in those early … decades. 

I mean, the song opens with words I never thought to say to her in those early years: “Don’t go changing … .”

But now, after 46+ years of marriage, we see other marriages struggling, many of them under 20 years, and we want to shout:

“EMBRACE BILLY’S WORDS TODAY!” 

You see, I live in the land of logic, while my wife strolls daily through a field of feelings. At any time, she can be amazed when I can’t emote right along with her, and then I’m aghast at the outpouring of so many feelings from her.

We are wired soooo differently, processing small moments and major life events through dissimilar filters.

We’ve finally learned to joke about it by saying one of us is “speaking Russian.” Not sure where that came from, but it’s our way of totally acknowledging we’re not communicating with or understanding each other.

Because neither of us … speaks Russian.

The reality is, even though we’re aligned on the big stuff like faith, parenting, finances, politics, where to live, etc., it took a long while for Karen to accept that I don’t need guy friends and for me to truly grasp that she can’t help herself from leaving our house 10 minutes late for every place she goes. 

And, yes, there are plenty of other differences, too.

But we’ve mostly gotten to the point where we live by what I call the “7 Perfect Words”:

I love you just as you are.

It’s remarkable how a marriage—and any relationship—can change for the better when these words are spoken … and meant. Much of this reflects the essence of the QBQ! book, if interested.

So, who needs to hear these words from you today … and will you say them?