If you look closely, you’ll see a 1994 wife of 14 years, who I’m fairly certain is the same wife I was taking for granted back then. 😢
The day she wore a sweater as colorful as her surroundings, we had 4 children, ages 11 and under, and my career in selling management training programs was going like gangbusters. In fact, little did I know I was about to start calling myself “keynote speaker,” write some books, and drag our family from the Arctic Tundra of Minnesota to the more moderate climate of Colorado*.
I must say, those 1990s were heady times. 🤯
What I didn’t realize back then was that I had a best-friend-for-life quietly putting up with my extreme verbosity, intense focus on “the next sale,” deep-seated fears I didn’t yet recognize, chaotic energy, and a personality shaped growing up in Dysfunction Junction.
As I transitioned from home-every-evening sales guy to traveling-the-USA speaker guy in 1995/96, Karen retired from nursing after 16 years to be a full-time homemaking mom. She was also the wife who, when I wanted to become a national speaker on Personal Accountability, told me, “Go for it!” 🙏🏼
So I did.
For many years now, I’ve watched the girl I asked out when she was 16 grow into a strong woman who knows things I don’t. She’s even more learned in the Bible than I am … and I’m the Preacher’s Kid!
This family’s favorite Karen carries some serious wisdom in that Baby Boomer brain of hers. Sometimes the offspring listen. Sometimes I do, too.
I share all this because no matter what’s happening politically and culturally, what people are fighting about on Facebook, or which big game is happening, what matters most is our home life.
Any disagreement?
Staying Married Is a Decision
I saw a story about a famous Hollywood/Nashville couple divorcing after 20 years, citing the tired, worn-out, and overused cliche: “irreconcilable differences.”*
Guess what? ……
See that gal in the 1990s jeans in our photo? She and I still have irreconcilable differences! But we also have a commitment to marriage, to God, to our kids, and to each other. I mean, come on—staying together in marriage is a … decision. A choice.
Amiright?
Thankfully, as irritating as I can be, Mrs. Karen Elizabeth Giles Miller decided a long time ago to stick around.
I’m a lucky guy. 😊
Curious, have you taken someone for granted? Care to tell us all about it here? If so, go for it!
*PS: No one complains about our 1997 move from Minnesota to Denver anymore. Turns out it really is all about the weather. 😉
*FYI: Not talking about abusive relationships here.
6 Responses
WE have been a blended family for almost 31 years. My two sons and his two daughters and many days of sports, music, theatre and who knows what else have roughed it out. There were days when it was so hard that we talked about not staying together. But those days passed and the better days way outnumbered the hard ones. You are so right that staying married is hard work and a mutual decision. We are now entering the days of retirement, enjoying our adult children and amazing grandchildren!!! Every day we thank our gracious God for his strength that kept us together.
Well, Rhonda, congrats! Good for you!
John,
I met you ‘accidentally’ many years ago when you were speaking at the Interlochen? in Broomfield (I was there for a Colorado Foreign Language teachers conference, you were speaking with a different group but let me sneak in if I recall correctly). Loved your book & message then, and have followed you over the years. My wife & I are in our 43rd year – and fully resonate with your message! Blessings on you, Karen & your family. Well Said!
That’s terrific, Johnny! 43? Yes! Thanks for sharing, and it’s hard to believe that’s how we met all those years ago! Thanks!
John & Karen, congratulations! You’ve done what so few are willing to do — you’ve weathered the storms and stayed the course.
We’ve all been to that event where they ask for the couple married the longest to stand. My wife and I, now 41 years in, are starting to be that couple. Before long, someone inevitably puts a microphone in front of us and asks for our “secret.”
If the setting is right, I’ve started saying this:
“We work hard to keep our hearts tender and soft toward each other as we fight for oneness. And we work just as hard to get to the question behind the question. Most conflicts aren’t really about the dishes, the schedule, or the tone. They’re about feeling heard, valued, and loved. A soft heart listens for that.” I know, they’re looking for cliches like “happy wife, happy life”, but, real life doesn’t fit on a bumper sticker all the time.
Congratulations again. Long marriages aren’t an accident — they’re a daily choice.
Hey, John. Thanks for the note! 41 years? Outstanding! And nope, no need for “Happy Wife, Happy Life” statements here. 🙂 Thanks, and be well!