QBQ! Stepping In, Staying Out

Are you inundated with “reels” on social media? I am. Many show people doing what I cannot:

Dancing.

These videos often begin with one person already movin’ and groovin’ (yes, I’m old) to the music while another waits in the background to step in. Never mind the footwork I could never master—I’m certain I’d step in at the wrong time and make a total mess.

Simply put, I’d ruin everything.

Like those traffic roundabouts that (I suppose) highway engineers have determined improve road safety. Whenever I approach one, I notice drivers—including me—hesitate, trying to figure out when to step in. Or, in this case, when to drive in.

How’s Your Timing?

It really is all about timing, which is something we might only acquire with age. That mature ability to be observant, patient, and circumspect—and stay out of situations and problems that aren’t ours to solve.

At home and at work, have you learned when to step in—and when to stay out?

I haven’t mastered it completely, but I’ve gotten pretty darn good at knowing when something is mine to solve and when it isn’t.

A friend loves to say “not my circus, not my monkeys” when she feels a situation isn’t hers to own. As a Boomer born in 1960, she admits that knowing when to step in or stay out has come from life experiences, some good, some not so good.

30 Years Later

A long time ago, two of our young kids were battling in the other room. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth! When I ran in, I found six-year-old Michael pointing at four-year-old Molly and saying, “She hit me, so I pushed her. Then she kicked me, and I pushed her again—and that’s when the fight started.”

Once I realized there was no blood or missing teeth, I said, sort of facetiously, “Well, gee, you two—just bite each other and get it over with.”

They quote me to this day—more than thirty years later. And, interestingly, they recently had a mild disagreement at age 38 and 36, and you know what I did?

Nothing.

Not my circus.

Now, I won’t pretend I didn’t want to step in. But I’ve finally learned that sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is stay out and let capable adults work through their own “stuff.”

Are you there yet?

Let’s Learn Together

A healthy—and accountable—exercise is to explore the last few situations you involved yourself in and ask:

• • Did I do the right thing?

• • How could I have handled this differently?

• • What did I learn from this experience?

• • How could I respond better next time?

• • What can I do to let go of problems that are not mine to solve?

Accountable questions like these help us grow. Just as importantly, they allow others to grow by solving their own problems. Two incredibly worthwhile and satisfying results.

That’s a win for everyone!

Comments always welcome. 👍🏼