Stuart emailed us saying, “QBQ! totally changed my life.”
I wanted to know more, so I typed, “Wonderful, Stuart! How did our material specifically make change possible for you?”
He told me:
“Even though I was in a leadership position at work and, in the opinion of those around me, succeeding, I was quietly struggling with victim-itis. It was all internal. No one knew, except maybe my wife.”
The Quiet Victim … sounds like a movie or book title, eh? Let’s call this person a “QV.”
It’s my guess — and it’s a fairly educated one after studying my own thoughts and feelings for many decades—that the QV struggles with at least 10 unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns. Let’s explore them now.
The Quiet Victim
- Easily angered when somebody “wrongs” them
- Maintains a self-image that inhibits admitting mistakes
- Frequently hosts Pity Parties for only one guest—self
- Consistently asks the Incorrect Question (IQ), “Why me?”
- Perplexed as to why people fail to understand them
- Blames people with “If only others would … ” thoughts
- Rarely reveals and shares real emotions/feelings
- Often wounded by the words/actions of people
- Privately resents the wins and victories of others
- Holds grudges for, like … forever.
In chatting with Stuart further, this came out:
“Quite honestly, John, the whole victim thing was eating me up inside. There’s just nothing good about playing the victim.”
Anyone mind if I shout AMEN! from the rooftops? 😉
As we’ve said in this space before, playing the victim serves no one—not even myself. How am I growing, learning, and changing when I wallow in victim thinking? How am I serving humankind?
Answer: I’m not.
Back to Stuart … who told me he’s a recovering alcoholic, sober now for 8 years.
Applause for Stuart!
What turned his life around, he shared, was 1) a deepening faith and 2) eliminating that famous “stinking thinking.”
Yep, change is possible … even for a QV. 😊
I can ask, “Why me?” forever and get nowhere. Or, I can ask QBQs such as, “How can I change my thoughts?” and “What can I do today to be my best?” This is when great things happen.
What stinking thinking have you eliminated from your life? Have you found changing yourself is not impossible?
We’d love to hear all about it. Comment away!