Are We Raising Victims? 13 Beliefs to NOT Teach Our Children

Skimming a recent Facebook debate, a comment made by a dad caught my eye. In a good way, he masterfully shut down the argument.

As his debate opponent lamented what is “happening to our world” and fretted about how “the children” will be affected, this wise father calmly replied, “I don’t worry about my kids. I didn’t raise victims.

Well done, Dad. As Shakespeare wrote, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

Let me now say what that father said in different words:

Life is hard enough without constantly reminding/teaching our children that life is hard.

Which leads to this question: Are we raising victims? Let’s find out with this checklist …

13 Beliefs to NOT Teach Our Children

  1. Life should be fair.
  2. I’ve been cheated.
  3. Everything is about me.
  4. I am entitled; I am owed.
  5. People are out to hurt me.
  6. It’s my right to be offended.
  7. My mistakes are not my fault.
  8. The government is my keeper.
  9. The wealthy didn’t earn what they have.
  10. Achievement is based on who you know.
  11. Those who don’t agree with me are “haters.”
  12. Success is about chance, not the choices I make.
  13. Having the right to do something makes it the right thing to do.

We could go on, but let’s stop at 13 and pose another question:

Are we teaching victim-itis to the next generation or teaching our children to rise above, contribute, and make a difference in the lives of others?

That is, to be victors.

We recently posted an image on our QBQ! Facebook page (join/Like us here) that displayed this content, and it truly touched our followers:

Don’t be a victim.
Don’t encourage victimhood.
Don’t condone victim thinking.
Parents, don’t raise victims. 

Good stuff. But, I admit, the dad above said it with greater brevity: I didn’t raise victims.

Not only is that effective, strong, accountable parenting, but it’s also good living—for me. I don’t want to play the victim. Do you?


7 Responses

  1. John;
    I have a family member that has taken a pattern of victim thinking, made it a habit and now has engrained it into the fiber of their Character. My parents have bought in to it hook,line and sinker!
    I have had a conversation about this with this family member and said that to have a relationship with me the victim mentality has to disappear. To claim the victim mentality without being a victim dishonors all real victims!
    Boundaries have help this relationship deteriorate further.

    1. Mary, thanks for sharing this. Yes, you had to draw boundaries. I get that, for sure. 🙁 And this is wisdom: “To claim the victim mentality without being a victim dishonors all real victims!” … thanks much!

  2. I know this article is a bit older, but I just read it and must say, “WOW.” I work in a field involving Behavior Analysis. I have seen how powerful it is to work with individuals otherwise seen as “victims” to show them they are capable and that they can achieve if they work for progress.

    Great article! Thank you!

  3. Another angle that I think should be explored is why parents allow media and the “WOKE” mindset to override the responsibility to teach our young the importance of making good choices and taking accountability for the consequences incurred by making bad ones. This is seen as “victim blaming” instead of the common sense approach to preventing victimization (both real and imagined)& not encouraging the victim mindset. My mother taught me “prevention is better than cure” I taught my son’s “Play stupid games win stupid prizes” Different generations same meaning!
    I now find it hard to care as much as I should for those who go out of their way to be a victim in every situation, except a victim of their own actions, sense of entitlement, and the sense that because I’m black, white, or fuchsia; a woman, poor, gay, trans, young, old, from a single parent home or Mars etc. My actions should never be questioned only the negative results my actions caused myself (Not Others). We preach equality and all things except equality in sitting in the consequences of our personal God-given choices. Why is that?
    We have raised a generation “educated dummies” who truly believes that it is the responsibility of everyone else to care more for an individuals happiness, well-being, success, and safety then the individual do himself. In 2023, true success comes from within and it’s a choice not a right! When successful people tell you that you cannot be successful even though you work hard, find a marketable skill you enjoy and do it, behave responsibly, be respectful to others, and love yourself they do not have your best interest at heart. When unsuccessful people say that their lack of success is the product of outside forces, yet they continue to do the same things that never brought them success in the past they don’t want change they want company!
    I refuse… I have more valuable things to do with my time than to make you a fish dinner while you watch and listen to you complain as to how unfair it is that the next man’s fish is bigger than yours. Call me when you want to go fishing, I will make time to teach you.

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