In the 1980s, the Millers dove into “social styles” personality profile material—Amiable, Driver, Analytical, Expressive—to discover my wife, Karen, is more Amiable and I am more Driver.
Then came the critter-based content; I’m a take-charge Lion and she’s a sweet Golden Retriever. ?
After that, Myers-Briggs: Karen is all “F” (Feeler) while I’m all “T” (Thinker).
Then, “love languages.” Her desire is for “acts of service” while I want/need praise and recognition for my accomplishments.
Oh, we also did a handwriting analysis in 1988 that was deadly accurate. I mean, scarily so.
Now, it’s Enneagram. Karen’s a #2 who is <mildly> consumed with relationships and harmony while I’m an 8 who is, well, not thinking about those things—at all. ?
So, the Millers know in 2019 what we didn’t know in 1976 when we began dating at 16 and 18:
We’re really REALLY different. Our personalities/emotional needs are a million miles apart.
Over the years, however, Karen and I have WORKED HARD to know each other/ourselves better — which is all totally meaningless if …
1. We did it to change the other
2. We (more importantly, I) don’t change
When it comes to all this personality profile material, head knowledge means little. What matters is me changing the way I think, feel, and act.
John changing John. Period.
If you are also a student of personalities — are you changing you?