In our blog, The Solution Is Right In Front of Me, I stated, “My life can and will be better when I choose to make it better. Anything else is blame, whining, procrastination, and victim thinking.”
Many Amen!-type comments arrived, but Alicia objected by email:
“John, self-effort will get a person off the couch and can improve a life (compared to being a slug), but self-effort alone is not the determining factor in achieving success. There are many other factors. To believe that is not ‘victim thinking.’”
That’s okay. Nice people can disagree nicely.
But then Lori sent a comment. Well, more of a story that we’ll share now.
The Lori Story
John, I was married to a passive/aggressive, negative, and angry man who complained constantly. I did my best to remain positive and be the best mom possible. But, our marriage did not last.
Post-divorce, he wanted to get back together, but I didn’t believe he’d changed. So I told him, “No, thanks. I’m good.”
Bluntly, I chose to not be his enabler anymore while he emotionally and mentally abused me.
He’s now married to wife #4, while I am happily enjoying a fulfilling life and career. Every day I make a difference in the lives of people by providing outstanding customer service in the workplace—and love doing it.
It’s true, life is what we make it—so make it wonderful! And, yes, you may quote me.
We just did! Thanks, Lori!
Don’t Go There
There’s a viral video out there attempting to demonstrate how the family we were born into, our heritage, and the opportunities available to us affect how far we might go in life. All very interesting. But …
In my humble opinion, when we start believing in caveats, exceptions, and extenuating circumstances, we slip into victim thinking. To lament where/how I began life and what I did/didn’t have doesn’t help me move forward. I mean, why go there? What’s the point?
Truth: For every person who struggles because the deck was stacked against him or her, there’s another who was dealt the same deck and yet achieves great things. How? By staying away from finger-pointing, blame, and victim/entitlement thinking.
I want to be like that person—the one who chooses the path of Personal Accountability. Don’t you?
Furthermore, as much as I dislike victim thinking, I detest the efforts of those who strive to cause others to play the victim. AKA politicians—but that’s another blog. 🙂
Let’s close with a comment from Dan of Hubbard Family Swim. It says it all:
“John, I am only a victim if I think and act like one. Everyone on this planet could find a reason to play the victim, but some CHOOSE not to—and it is those people who rise above.”