Harmony Happens With Personal Accountability

Spencer Werness of Delta Airlines—you won the “stash” of 6 FREE QBQ! books! Congratulations!

marriage, harmony, relationships, divorce

News Flash #1: Relationships Can Be Healthy

The Miller marriage is healthy—and I have proof!

We cleaned our garage over the weekend with NO disagreements over when to do it, how to do it, and where stuff should go.

No tension, no arguing, no fighting. We were not the Bickersons on Saturday, but rather the harmonious Millers.


For many years our 7 children wanted to “run for the hills” whenever Mom and Dad said, “Kids, we’ll be cleaning the garage today.”

Not anymore, though. And … I feel I need to add this clarification:

This isn’t a case of the worn-out man joke about “Happy wife, happy life” or “My wife and I are in complete agreement: I do whatever she tells me!”

Married in 1980, Karen and I have finally come to a place of collaboration on <almost> all things. 🙂

It’s amazing what time can do to help people learn, grow, change—and discover that many battles (most?) are not worth fighting.

The reality, though, is we humans are not old till we’re old, wise till we’re wise, and experienced till we’ve had, well—experience.

Just the other day, Karen and I met with a Millennial whose marriage is a “rocky road” right now. Though we’re not counselors, we have learned many things and shared a few thoughts.

However, no matter what we said, what we heard from this young person was a really big need to …

Be right

Prove the other person wrong

Apply logic


Make excuses

All mixed with a lack of humility, contrition, and self-reflection.

In different words, many times over, Karen and I heard, “If only the other person would change!”

When my wife and I were alone again, I said, “Wow, that was me in my younger days.”

She said, “Yep.”

Oh. 🙂

Then, musing out loud, I added, “No wonder the QBQ! book remains so relevant. The all-too-human desire to change others will never go away.”

News Flash #2: Accountability Drives Harmony

Harmony is not created by two or more people. Harmony is driven by individuals who practice personal accountability. Asking QBQs (tutorial here) like, “What can I do to change me?” and “How can I improve this relationship?” is how harmony happens.

During this week, one does not need to be of the Christian faith to know that Easter is about forgiveness. So, here’s a question:

What if we brought greater forgiveness—along with humility and personal accountability—into our relationships? Father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife, friend and friend, neighbor and neighbor.

Life truly is too short to travel the rocky relationship road. Create some harmony today!

How will you apply this message and what relationship will you focus on? Please share!


2 Responses

  1. I am a firm believer I can only change me. I need to accept the things I cannot change, this has taken me a longtime to realize today my life much happier and fulfilled!

  2. One of the best experiences I had working with a team, was when I had a study team in my BSN completion program. What made this a great experience is that we practiced accountability and put the needs of our team above the needs of the individuals. Our team did several group projects together and because we did not play victim, place blame, and shared successes and set backs together. This experience was before my exposure to the QBQ way of thinking, so we did not use the words, but we did the actions and we were happy and successful.

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