Humans seem hardwired to play victim, making us susceptible to asking victim-oriented questions:
Why is this happening to me?
Why can’t I get a break?
Why don’t I have what others have?
Why don’t people do more for me?
Pity Parties are instinctual, natural — and harmful. What do they accomplish? Know this:
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No matter how well we think we know and practice the QBQ! book’s message of Personal Accountability— blame can creep into our lives. We must remain vigilant! Enjoy!
A popular 1970’s meme (before memes existed) was —The Devil Made Me Do It.
Today, we hear this popular media-driven phrase: ”There’s plenty of blame to go around!”
It’s our nature to ask Whodunnit? when the unplanned, painful, disappointing, or embarrassing occurs. When stuff happens, it’s so easy to spread the blame —
“Well, yes, I did that, but, you see, they made me do it.”
“I accept 65% of the blame, but he’s 35% responsible, too!”
Or simply, “Not my fault!”
It’s difficult for humans to state …
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Is providing outstanding customer service complicated? Let’s hear from Antonio, reader of Outstanding!
Continue ReadingJohn, we gutted and remodeled our kitchen. Almost complete, it looked amazing! We only needed a backsplash. Our in-demand contractor said he could do the install the next weekend.
We found the perfect tile online at Home Depot. However, arriving at the store to purchase it, we learned the product in stock didn’t match the computer inventory.
Two cartons short! And we had a deadline.
That’s when department manager, Jake, really impressed. He could’ve said, “Sorry.” Instead —
Recently, a person’s sarcastic, harsh words wounded me. Key people in my life were indignant for me and encouraged me to respond.
I didn’t.
Trust me, I’ve never shied away from “retaliating.” On this day, though, I chose to not be the guy my dad often railed against:
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From QBQ! reader, Brian:
Continue ReadingJohn, my wife, Kim, and I were out of state and required a cashier’s check. Entering the Norwalk, CA Wells Fargo on Friday afternoon, we joined a long line.
I spoke in Ithaca, NY on “Personal Accountability” in Warren Hall to 100 Cornell University students. It was … surreal.
I took classes in Warren, graduating in 1980—and had never been back.
Afterward, student Joseph lamented, “Mr. Miller, it’d be difficult to use your ideas here because of ‘moral dependency’ … .”
Not knowing that phrase, I showed complete confusion, but he continued with a vocabulary 5x mine.
Finally, my old brain needed clarity like lungs need oxygen. I interjected, “Joseph, you’re saying you don’t want to play the victim but friends, peers, and the campus culture say you are a victim?”
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Have you stubbed your toe on a chair and in pain yelled, “Who put that stupid chair there?!”
If so, your reaction was due to an innate, intense need to not be responsible. This is typical of the human race: we readily look outside of ourselves for anything or anyone to blame.
It’s a lousy way to live life and makes success in any endeavor elusive.
We blame because “pain avoidance” is Job One for the human race. We shun mental, physical, and emotional pain. In the feelings realm, negative emotions like shame, embarrassment, frustration, fear, and anger cause us to lash out, point fingers, and deflect responsibility.
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A meaningful moment for us is when a reader of QBQ! The Question Behind the Question applies our message of Personal Accountability in ways we’d not dreamed of when we first penned and published the book—and shares it with us.
This powerful and touching story (and application of our material) comes from a friend and colleague, Renee.
When I emailed her to ask how she was, with grace and humility she responded with this note. I always knew she’s special, but this story confirms it. Enjoy!
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WARNING: Content ahead that makes us think. That’s good, since Ben Franklin said, “If it hurts, it instructs.”
That Important Day
It was 1991 when I told Terry, a marital counselor, about my Upstate New York “home of origin” and family system dysfunction. In that first session, after sharing great detail, I confidently (and foolishly) concluded, “But Karen and I left all that behind when we moved to Minnesota in 1980.”
The truth of Terry’s response still stings:
Readers of the QBQ! book have sent us many great customer service stories. They do this when they experience a moment that brings them right back to the book’s content, specifically Chapter One titled, “A Picture of Personal Accountability.” This is where Jacob, my server at the Rockbottom Restaurant, sent his manager to grab me a Diet Coke from a nearby grocery store. I was more than delighted!
Oh, you don’t know that story? Well, pick up a QBQ! book today! 😎
Meanwhile, here is the most recent story to come to us. Enjoy!
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