Since 1976, Karen Elizabeth Giles Miller and I have been “hanging out,” as the kids say today.
And married since 6/21/80.
It was a hot and humid July 1979 evening in Ithaca, NY when I popped the question, offering her a $395 diamond ring. She said, “No.” Not to the ring, to me. 😭
No worries, though. I asked twice more, did some selling, and closed the deal. I might not be the best salesperson, but I am the most tenacious.
Decades later, it’s not been bliss, but we’re in a good place now. When our only son, Michael (age 34), recently asked Mom why our marriage is working, she responded, “Well, what’s changed is Dad lets me have my feelings and I let him have no friends.” 🤣
Bottomline, Karen and I are … different. So. Very. Different. A feeler gal versus a logical guy. A quiet internal processor vs. an external (and excessive) processor/talker. Yet, we’ve made it work, the key word being “work.” Marriage is work, continual, ongoing, never-ending work.
And, may I say, it is worthy work, for sure.
Are you working to make your marriage work?
On our QBQ! Facebook page (join us!), we posted a marital/relational question that generated lots of great ideas. So, let’s let a bunch of regular married folks share their wisdom. Ready?
What is required for a marital relationship to be strong enough to bend but never break?
- Love is a verb, an action — not only a feeling
- Forgive mistakes
- Let go of old hurts/bruises
- Keep no record of wrongs
- Intentionally move toward ONENESS
- Be playful, have a sense of humor
- Let your spouse be your best friend
- Show humility by losing the need to be right
- Strive daily to see your spouse’s point of view
- Employ trust in the other as your default position
- Involve your spouse when making decisions
- Live “for better or for worse” and “until death do us part”
- Assume positive intent by your partner
- Find the positive each and every day
- Allow no person or possession to come between you
Then there are these 7 powerful comments …
Frank: “Marriage is one of the most difficult things to do in life, and at the same time, it is one of the easiest things to do. Do what you can to make it easy.”
Christine: “Marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
Tracie: “Love is a decision, do decide every day to stay married.”
Jody: “Do not use the words ‘never’ and ‘always.'”
Bev: “Don’t attend every argument you’re invited to, it takes two to fight.”
Gary: “Encourage the other to be his/her best, but love and accept them at their worst.”
David: “Learn to count to ten — as many times as necessary.” 😉
And … that #1 lesson from the QBQ! book:
We can only change ourselves, so stop trying to fix your spouse!
End of discussion.
So, for the Millers, it’s 42 years this month. Nothing special is happening on June 21, just hanging out in Colorado. Karen with her feelings, and me with no friends, except my best friend, Karen.
What have you done to make your marriage work? Share your thoughts below!