How many of us heard this while growing up?
“Well, if he jumped off a bridge, would you???”
There’s a whole bunch of parental wisdom in that question!
In the late 1960s in Ithaca, NY, as I headed to my best friend Randy’s house about a mile up the road, my mom would instruct me, “Remember, Johnny, always walk against the traffic.”
I wonder if she was helping an 11-year-old stay safe or giving outstanding life advice—or both?
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Personal accountability and ownership are impossible to separate. Tough to have one without the other.
In our home Karen schedules doctors and dentists and provides our adult kids a most patient ear when they call from four states away. I check bank balances, set up airline reservations, and pick up dog mess in the yard (TMI? Sorry). We simply have defined parental and household duties.
So when the next Miller teen hit the WHEN AM I GONNA GET MY DRIVER’S LICENSE?!? stage, we all knew the job would fall to me. I handle the driver training and always have. Done it four times now. I’ve got experience!
But, this time, I blew it.
On Saturday afternoon, the teen daughter who hardly knows the difference between the brake and gas pedals and I were heading home. We live out in the Colorado country where young people have practiced driving on back roads since the dawn of the automobile. So, a half mile from our house, I put her in the driver’s seat and after thirty seconds of “training” said, “Go!”
She went—and did fine all the way to our driveway. Well, there was some swerving, but no harm done since we didn’t see another vehicle. But as we got to our drive, flanked by two huge boulders, I thought, Hmm, I should take the wheel now and turn into the driveway and park.
But I didn’t. I had a mental lapse. I assumed too much. And I got lazy. I mean, it’d be too much work to switch seats now. So I said, ”Go ahead and turn in. You can do it.”
Boy, do I ever wish I had a “do over.”
Continue ReadingEntitlement thinking … it’s not necessarily a new phenomenon, and yet, it seems to be running rampant in our society. Or, to be more precise, in me.
I’m shocked at how often I find myself succumbing to the temptation to wallow in a victim mindset. Why? Because I was raised in a family that taught me to avoid it, and I work for a
company that teaches others how to recognize and run from it! This shows just how easy it is to fall into the trap of entitlement—and just how needed The Question Behind the Question (QBQ) is, since it’s a tool that helps us eliminate entitlement thinking by asking better questions.
Let me share some examples of lousy questions from my life recently:
“When is someone going to teach me how to use WordPress?”
“Why don’t the 10 sit-ups a week I do make any difference?”
“Who’s going to step up to mentor me in this phase of life?”
Instead of challenging myself to takes risks, plunge ahead, seek help, or enjoy life, these questions, all in their own way, lead me to victim and entitlement thinking. And away from personal accountability.
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Outstanding men work – and practice personal accountability.
Is there anything you hate leaving the house without? Cell? Chapstick? Make-up? Driver’s license? For me, it’s always been my wallet – and my watch. The latter because I just want to know what time it is, all the time. But it turns out there’s something I miss even more when I don’t have it, I just didn’t know!
My wedding ring.
A week ago, our 30-year-old oldest – @KristinLindeen – and I were sitting in a Florida restaurant chatting with a delightful new friend, Angela. Suddenly, Kristin said, “Dad, where is your wedding ring???” I looked at my left hand and for the first time since 6/21/80, it was unadorned!
Continue ReadingFrugal defined: Economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving; not wasteful
For the longest time I’ve enjoyed telling groups, “I have only one famous friend and his name is Dave Ramsey.” Of course, if you have never heard of him then I guess he’s not all that famous! But I really don’t know Big Time Celebrities. The closest I got was one in my own industry when a gent named Zig Ziglar phoned me a few years ago to tell me that a friend had given him the QBQ! book and he loved it. My mailing address was “Cloud Nine” for a week!
Anyway, this past weekend, Kristin and I attended a conference called BEECH Retreat where I keynoted on Saturday morning and we learned more about blogging. Michael Hyatt spoke Saturday night and that was fun. But we did get to meet another “famous” person – at least one in her world: Crystal Paine, The Money Saving Mom. What a treat! I mean, even my wife @QBQMom follows her! And it was a blessing to meet Crystal not just because of the person she is – focused, smart, high energy, and wife to Jesse and mom of three – but because of how she helps people. She helps them live financially more effectively and efficiently … and there ain’t nothing wrong with that!
Money Saving Mom and The QBQ! Guy
We all know that organizations fire people, but as we say in Outstanding!, people fire organizations.
Recently, while conducting a “Be Outstanding!” day of training with a senior management team representing a well-known appliance manufacturer, I asked them to each identify an organization they’ve fired; that is, one they will never do business with again—and why. Every single person in the room had an example. Here are some:
I shared an example, too. I’ve fired a post office.
Where we live 15 miles northeast of Denver, Colorado, I can choose between four PO’s to use. That’s right—four. Some, of course, are closer than others. They are 9 miles south, 7 miles northwest, 5 miles west, and 10 miles north. And that northern one has a built-in logistical advantage for the Millers: It is only blocks from the school we take our kids to and pick them up from five days per week, thirty-six weeks per year, year in and year out. How convenient!
But I will never go back.
Why? Well, it’s hard to pinpoint, but let me try. Slow. Apathetic. Solemn. Lethargic.
Did I mention S-L-O-W???
I’ve felt this way for a long time, but a couple years ago I decided to risk it again on a Saturday. I had to get some books shipped that weekend and with other errands to run in town, I thought, Well, I’ll give the Brighton, Colorado P.O. another shot. How magnanimous of me!
And this I what I saw:
Never. Again.
Continue ReadingKimberly, a Community Relations Administrator for Delta Dental of New Jersey, Inc., wrote up this summary of the QBQ! book. It’s so excellent, I thought I’d share it all with you. I love the title she gave it. Enjoy!
I Can Only Change Me
In John G. Miller’s book QBQ The Question Behind the Question he speaks about what to really ask yourself to eliminate blame, complaining, and procrastination. He discusses how people tend to blame others for personal and professional troubles. Miller believes in personal accountability – taking responsibility for one’s actions, problems, and feelings instead of blaming others.
Miller believes in changing the questions we ask ourselves from negative (Why do we have to go through all this change? Or, Who dropped the ball?) to more solution-based “I” questions (What can I do to contribute? Or, How can I help solve the problem?)
One of the chapters in QBQ! is called “I Can Only Change Me” and in this chapter Miller reminds us that when dealing with any circumstance the only person that can change is – one’s self.
Perhaps you’re a supervisor who’s dealing with a difficult employee. You do your best to change the employee’s attitude and nothing is working. The attitude you should be changing is your own. A supervisor’s role is to coach and counsel – not to change another person. Change is something that occurs internally – a result of decisions made by the individual. The same applies for the reverse – an employee who works for a difficult supervisor. The employee cannot change the supervisor – the only aspect the employee can change is him or herself and how he or she deals with the difficult supervisor.
Each of us may be aware that the only person each of us can change is our self; however, there’s a big difference between understanding this concept and actually living it.
Continue ReadingWe have explored in our newest QBQ! QuickNote found here some Momentum Killers. They are listed below. Can you add any others in the Comments section? Feel free to join the conversation!
<Excerpted from the QBQ! QuickNote>
Momentum Killers:
Procrastination
As we write in QBQ!, procrastination is the “friend of failure.” It crushes our momentum. People suffering from it tend to ask Incorrect Questions (IQs) such as, “When will others take care of this?” and “When will I have all the information I need?” But those with momentum ask The Question Behind the Question (QBQ): “What can I do today to be productive?” In his book, 21 Questions for 21 Millionaires: How Ordinary People Create Extraordinary Success, author Brandon Pipkin discovers most highly successful people didn’t really have a grand plan when they started out—but they sure got stuff done. The message? Do something!!!
Not doing something right the first time
This might sound obvious, but having to redo anything is a pain. Each of us has finite energy and time. Let’s not waste these resources doing something wrong just so we can figure out later how to do it right. Let’s ask these QBQs: “How can I learn new ways of doing things?” and “What can I do to be my best?” Said, differently, be outstanding in all things—or at least as often as possible. Remember the rule of a wise carpenter: Measure twice, cut once.
Letting frustration overwhelm us
Years ago when the Internet was not ubiquitous, I did something novel: I bought nine movie tickets in advance online, paying one dollar per ticket more for the service. Quite a step for this frugal fella. We then got into the family van and started driving 15 miles west to a Denver suburban theater. We never made it on that December evening. Traffic was horrible. I tried side streets, main highways, two lane country roads—but Christmas shoppers were out in full force! Why can’t people drive? So frustrating! I surely had a goal of entertaining the family and not wasting $80, but 45 minutes into a 25 minute drive, I threw up my hands in borderline anger and over the objections of people close enough to strangle me, I turned the van around and we came home—to do nothing. I was not the favorite father that night. I had let frustration overwhelm me. Where did that frustration come from? From the source of all frustration: blocked goals. As we say in our training program, “stress is a choice.” Goals might get blocked and frustration might reign, but if I had managed my stress better and not quit, things would’ve probably worked out just fine.
Continue ReadingWhen my wife, Karen, and I decided to write “Parenting the QBQ Way” we certainly didn’t know how it would impact people. But if it does nothing more than help parents engage in some “looking in the mirror” introspection, then it’s helped moms and dads and their families immeasurably. Parenting is such an awesome role and…
Continue ReadingHave you ever heard questions such as … “Why don’t I ever get a break?” “When will people be nicer to me?” “Who’s going to start giving me what I deserve?” “Why don’t others understand me better?” If you have, you’ve witnessed some bad stuff: Victim/entitlement thinking, blame, finger-pointing, and procrastination. The truth is most…
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