How do some people manage to change while others never do?
Good question! But here’s a better one: How can I change me?
Every human wrestles with change, so to help us find victory in this arena, we’ll share some key questions that can create change in one’s life. But first, a cautionary note.
We’re not going to beat ourselves up. There won’t be any shaming going on here. Change never begins with negative thoughts like, Why don’t I ever change? and What a lousy person I am!
Rather, change happens when I do a “calm, cool, and collected” self evaluation, so I can decide what to do today to change. Let’s get to it!
9 Questions for Personal Change
1. What do I like about me?
Beginning with me appreciating me isn’t arrogant or haughty—it’s healthy and constructive. It provides a foundation to build on. Come up with a long list of your positives traits right now. It’ll feel good!
2. What do I not like about me?
Here’s an example from my life: I know I don’t like it when I feel a need to control others and give into that need. #Ouch! How ‘bout you? Be honest!
3. What specific trait (or traits) helps me move forward in life?
From your list created for question #1, highlight the ones that help you make a difference, contribute to the world, and achieve your personal goals. This is more than what you like about you. It’s now about what works for you.
4. What specific trait (or traits) holds me back?
This is different than, “What do I not like about me?” I might actually like a weakness of mine or not like a weakness that’s not holding me back (clear as mud?). The objective here is to figure out exactly what weakness is truly preventing me from moving forward in life.
5. What behavior of mine causes people to be drawn to me?
I can’t think of a profession or role where I don’t need to collaborate with others on some level. So, being a magnet sure beats repelling people. Which leads to our next question …
6. What behavior of mine pushes people away from me?
As we all know, Pogo said, “We’ve identified the enemy and they is us!” Now that’s wisdom! Some days, I am my own worst enemy. Also, the answer to #6 most likely needs to come from others, so don’t be afraid to ask some people you trust.
7. What specific behavior will I begin engaging in today?
It’s time to identify something very specific I can do RIGHT NOW in action form that proves I’m changing. In the QBQ! book we teach this: Learning equals change. Learning does not equate to attending a seminar, reading a book, or talking about change. I have only learned when I have changed. So, new behaviors equal change. Let’s put one into action today!
8. What specific behavior will I stop engaging in today?
We all do something that just needs to go away, something that impacts us and the people around us negatively. So, do this: See it. Own it. Stop it. Today!
9. What value will I discover when I change?
It’s true, we’re all salespeople, and what we must sell ourselves on is the benefit of making a change. More joy? Greater peace? Prosperous relationships? Success, however I define it? It’s good to focus on what good will come when I change. Otherwise, why do it?
Okay, time for application, so here we go …
For discussion and comment:
Which of the 9 questions means the most to me and why? Will I ask it right now to change me? What will be the value?
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#9 the first 2 words “what value.” Once we determine what value to each of us equals. I bring value to ___________, but I must determine what my value equals and who or what am I giving that value to or taking from? What are we willing to give up or do more of in order to get what we determine as a value?
I struggle with number four. I need confidence and I can’t seem to just conjure it up, buy it , or develop it lol! I know the advice i would give to someone else, but I can’t seem to “make it stick” for me.
Can I share this article, btw?