3 Powerful Principles of QBQ! Parenting

The Millers

Kristin, the oldest of our seven children and a member of the QBQ, Inc. team, knowing my “salesy” personality, coined a phrase a decade ago that still makes me chuckle. She said, “Just bump into my dad at any airport and pretend you don’t know him and he’ll give you a free book!”

So, a month ago I landed at her airport in Madison, Wisconsin where she and her two little ones greeted me. She immediately asked, “Do you have a copy of the parenting book on you!?” When I pulled one from my bag, she grabbed it and ran off to give it to a mom she’d just met five minutes earlier!

Like dad, like daughter. Call me proud.

Well, that “Wisconsin Hockey Mom,” Meg Goss, just posted this review of Parenting the QBQ Way (PQW)—and we’re totally honored!

Parenting Advice I Can Actually Use and Put Into Practice!

Since the book came out, Karen and I have been interacting with moms and dads by email, growing our “Parenting the QBQ Way” Facebook page, selling books, and, of course, giving some away. It’s been fun!

Recently, I taught “PQW” to parents on staff at City of Hope, a comprehensive cancer care and research center located an hour north of Los Angeles. When preparing the content outline, we knew I could go many directions with the flow and design. In the end, we built the session on three foundational “PQW” principles. And they are …

Parenting is a learned skill

When moms and dads just “wing it” and don’t seek training to be the best parent they can be, the results they get may not be the results they hoped for when they chose the job. The truth is, we can all absorb new ideas, implement new practices, and form new habits—and when we do, both the parent and the child win.

Parents, keep learning!

My child is a product of my parenting

Meg highlights this key point in her review above. Good for her, because we know that some want to debate this. But Karen and I have found it’s easier to practice personal accountability in our parenting by not fighting this principle but instead grabbing hold of it. With this premise in place, any parent can become the outstanding mom or dad they wish to be. Any other approach is blame and, as Doug Coupland once said, “Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of the chaos.”

And there might not be anything more chaotic than parenting.

Outstanding parents engage in strong parenting

Years ago there was a show on television called “Charles in Charge.” Many of today’s moms and dads probably watched it as kids. Sadly, there are parents now that could title their family “Child in Charge.” Not good.

The evidence that your child has become your boss is clear to everyone if:

  • Your child constantly interrupts you when you’re chatting with other people.
  • Your kid continues to whine, knowing that your “No” will eventually turn into a “Yes.”
  • You make excuses for bad behavior like, “She’s tired!” to “He’s strong-willed!”
  • When you tell your children not to do something, they do it anyway because your follow-through stinks.
  • Your son or daughter is allowed to speak to you disrespectfully.
  • Any penalties that you impose for misbehaving are lifted early or never enforced.

Outstanding parents demonstrate love for their child by not engaging in weak parenting. It takes both diligence and vigilance to be a strong, accountable mom or dad, but that’s okay because no parent had children to avoid work and inconvenience!

Be a strong parent. 

So that’s what was shared with the City of Hope moms and dads, and, I must say, they were a terrific audience. If you know of a group that would benefit from the QBQ! parenting message, please let us know at Parenting@QBQ.com.

Discussion question:

Of the three “PQW” principles shared above, which one do need to embrace right now and why?

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10 Responses

  1. So true.

    I also find that if both parents are not like minded the kids will undermine them to establish their rule in the house. This especially applies to discipline, which needs to be worked out and enforced together.

    Great work John and Karen

    John & Karen Morgan
    Bellingham WA

  2. “Parents keep learning” I don’t ever want to stop learning. And what I’ve learned is although I am a grandparent and my nest is empty, I’m still learning. Learning to be an outstanding grandparent. Learning my “parent role” to adult children. I love the learning that goes along with this life. I love QBQ and PQW. Combined they make for such great growth and learning. Thank you!!

  3. Sometimes people make parenting too complicated. Keep it simple…you ARE smarter act like it. I never ask for respect it was earned and demanded. I told my children that I loved them so much that each day I want to give them something but if they broke a rule or was disrespectful to an adult things would be taken away. They should not get mad at me since I want to be give them things, they shoudl look in the mirror and be mad at THAT person. They were taught the difference in “making a mistake” (which we all make and try to correct) and “making a bad choice” (I know I am not suppose to do something but I will do it anyway).

  4. With the present digital age it has become a real challenge for parents to keep up with all the technical jargons and slang the kids use, if the parents are not technology savvy it becomes more hard to communicate.For the present day kids the concept of “patience” and “time” have no meaning, instant gratification has become the norm, unless the parents forcibly spend time in building confidence, love and trust ,by social interaction and making the kids understand the value of time and patience by demonstrating everyday to the kids, the kids may never grow up to their full potential.We as parents need to spend more time in guiding our kids otherwise somebody else will do this job and it may not necessarily the best outcome for our kids!

  5. This is such great advice! I love signs!! You gave us behaviors of children that were “signs” of possible “retraining” opportunities for parents. The signs I have paid attention to in my life have changed it dramatically and the ones I ignored, did the same thing. I will “pass it on” to people who have the opportunities to “pass it on” to the parents in the school district where I am employed. Thank you!

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