Hello to all. John here. This is one of those blogs that I would forward to my colleagues and bluntly pose this question:

This isn’t us, is it?!?:

“Complacency is a state of satisfaction combined with an unawareness of potential danger, and it’s often characterized by one word: smug. Outstanding organizations know that “smug” doesn’t work. They understand the need to beat back complacency again and again.” Outstanding! Chapter 43: “Stay Alarmed”

In the late 1980s, early in my career selling management training, a mentor would say this after a client meeting that didn’t go as well as I’d planned: “Remember, just because they deny they have problems doesn’t mean they don’t have any.”

Denial. It’s a dangerous place to live.

Whenever any of us on the QBQ, Inc. team comes in to teach “Personal Accountability and the QBQ!” we always provide a pre-session questionnaire. Here is one of the questions we ask:

“Ideally, how would you like to see your organization’s culture change?”

Some clients give us little, some give us a lot. I spoke recently for an extremely successful corporation that all of you would know by name. If you’ve ever watched an NFL game or two on Sundays, you’ve seen their commercials.

This organization would be described as “outstanding” by any measure, but they answered our culture question so candidly, so forthrightly, that I was once again reminded of this truth:

Outstanding organizations, and the people that work for them, are never “smug” and rarely satisfied.

You see, in some organizations, the goal seems to be this: “We Will Be Nothing Less Than Mediocre!”

But the client I just visited? Totally successful and yet here are the cultural changes people there desire:

• Greater cross-functional teamwork at all levels.
• Less concern over who gets the credit.
• Less confusion over who owns decisions.
• More openness, transparency, and candid conversations.
• People/teams recognized more for contributions to projects.
• Less political; greater focus on adding value than “who you know.”
• Clearer prioritization of key initiatives.
• Elimination of “silos.”
• Quicker to adapt and change.
• More effective planning and fewer fire drills.
• Faster decision making.

Yes, you could apply any of these to a thousand organizations. What is special here is not the specific problems identified, but the fact that this list was shared with us at all … by people at all levels who already work for an outstanding organization.

Dangerous!!!

Pizza king Papa John (John Schnatter) shared this with me: “John,” he said, “I’ve always found that people who struggle are hard on others, but those who do well in life are hard on themselves.”

And so it is with organizations. The outstanding ones are rarely satisfied—always fighting the battle of complacency—and never allow “smug” or “denialism” to creep into their world.

Remember—as we write in Outstanding!—we can only coast one direction:

Downhill.

Exit Questions:

Do denial and/or complacency exist in your organization? Are departments, teams, and people coasting? If the question, “How would you like to see your culture change?” was posed where you work, how candidly would people respond? Share below!

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Herson’s Funeral Home, Ithaca, NY

While my best friend was grilling sirloins at Ponderosa Steakhouse and after I’d already tried filling “Papa,” “Mama,” and “Teen” baskets at the A&W restaurant in Ithaca, NY, I went down to Herson’s Funeral Home and asked the esteemed Mr. Matthew J. Herson himself for a job.

He hired me for $3.33 an hour. I was 18 years old and not only did I find my niche, I was in my glory!

For the next four years, I did it all. No, really …

I. Did. It. All.

I drove the hearse with the, ah hem, “client” riding in back. I picked up bereaved families in the Herson’s new 1976 silver Cadillac. I set up chairs, greeted guests, and picked up new caskets for delivery to Herson’s. I vacuumed the chapel, washed cars, and mowed the Herson’s lawn at their fine home near Cayuga Lake, one of the renowned Finger Lakes of UpState NY.

But there’s more. Much, much more.

I picked up the deceased right where life had ended for them. It was a grandpa who fell asleep watching a Yankee game on his couch and never woke up and then an elderly lady in her nursing home bed. Sadly, on some days, it was a young dad in the morgue following a tragic auto accident and Cornell students who’d chosen to end it all in the gorgeous gorges of Ithaca.

Somebody had to do this all-hours-of-the-day work—and for me it sure beat flipping burgers.

I recall one time, Mrs. Herson phoning my home at 4am. After my dad answered the phone and came to wake me up, I bounded down the stairs, ran through the living room, and into the kitchen where the phone was affixed to the wall (yep, I’m that old) with so much energy that Mrs. Herson’s opening words were, “Wow, I could hear you coming!”

That’s exactly right, Boss, because I love this business and everything about it!

And then there was the embalming. Oh my, did I mention I’d found my … passion!?!

The first time I was called in to help the on-staff mortician embalm (a woman in her 90’s), he stopped me just outside the door to the embalming room and said, “Now, John, the first time I assisted in one of these I almost fainted. So if you start feeling queasy, feel free to step out.”

Well …

No stepping out was required for this young man!

I asked a million questions—fascinated by every aspect of the process—and before I knew it I was doing stuff and seeing stuff in that room that few 18-year-olds dreamed of doing or seeing.

I suspect many of you would not find any of this to be your “cup of tea.”

But I went on to help embalm so many people during my Cornell years, that my gal, Karen—now my wife of 33 years as of 6/21/13—became so accustomed to the smell of formaldehyde on me she almost stopped noticing it.

Almost.

Now, you might be wondering why I didn’t turn my college years’ work experience into a career. Honestly, I’m not sure what caused me to choose a different path, especially since the Herson’s graciously offered to put me through mortuary science school.

I suppose upon graduating from Cornell in 1980, it seemed natural to step from the campus into the business world. The problem was this: It wasn’t much fun. My new corporate “8-5” desk job was just that—a job. Oh, how I missed the funeral home where the hours flew by like minutes because I was being challenged, learning every day, truly serving people, and having fun!

Thank goodness I found all of that again when in 1986 I fell into a career selling training. How fortunate am I to have experienced this twice in my life! Everyone should be so blessed.

Exit question:

What about you? Do you have a job where you’re waiting for your next paid vacation day or do you have a career where the years are flying by faster than most people’s Monday mornings!? 

Please share below … we’d love to hear from you!

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Kristin, the oldest of our seven children and a member of the QBQ, Inc. team, knowing my “salesy” personality, coined a phrase a decade ago that still makes me chuckle. She said, “Just bump into my dad at any airport and pretend you don’t know him and he’ll give you a free book!”

So, a month ago I landed at her airport in Madison, Wisconsin where she and her two little ones greeted me. She immediately asked, “Do you have a copy of the parenting book on you!?” When I pulled one from my bag, she grabbed it and ran off to give it to a mom she’d just met five minutes earlier!

Like dad, like daughter. Call me proud.

Well, that “Wisconsin Hockey Mom,” Meg Goss, just posted this review of Parenting the QBQ Way (PQW)—and we’re totally honored!

Parenting Advice I Can Actually Use and Put Into Practice!

Since the book came out, Karen and I have been interacting with moms and dads by email, growing our “Parenting the QBQ Way” Facebook page, selling books, and, of course, giving some away. It’s been fun!

Recently, I taught “PQW” to parents on staff at City of Hope, a comprehensive cancer care and research center located an hour north of Los Angeles. When preparing the content outline, we knew I could go many directions with the flow and design. In the end, we built the session on three foundational “PQW” principles. And they are …

Parenting is a learned skill

When moms and dads just “wing it” and don’t seek training to be the best parent they can be, the results they get may not be the results they hoped for when they chose the job. The truth is, we can all absorb new ideas, implement new practices, and form new habits—and when we do, both the parent and the child win.

Parents, keep learning!

My child is a product of my parenting

Meg highlights this key point in her review above. Good for her, because we know that some want to debate this. But Karen and I have found it’s easier to practice personal accountability in our parenting by not fighting this principle but instead grabbing hold of it. With this premise in place, any parent can become the outstanding mom or dad they wish to be. Any other approach is blame and, as Doug Coupland once said, “Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of the chaos.”

And there might not be anything more chaotic than parenting.

Outstanding parents engage in strong parenting

Years ago there was a show on television called “Charles in Charge.” Many of today’s moms and dads probably watched it as kids. Sadly, there are parents now that could title their family “Child in Charge.” Not good.

The evidence that your child has become your boss is clear to everyone if:

• Your child constantly interrupts you when you’re chatting with other people.
• Your kid continues to whine, knowing that your “No” will eventually turn into a “Yes.”
• You make excuses for bad behavior like, “She’s tired!” to “He’s strong-willed!”
• When you tell your children not to do something, they do it anyway because your follow-through stinks.
• Your son or daughter is allowed to speak to you disrespectfully.
• Any penalties that you impose for misbehaving are lifted early or never enforced.

Outstanding parents demonstrate love for their child by not engaging in weak parenting. It takes both diligence and vigilance to be a strong, accountable mom or dad, but that’s okay because no parent had children to avoid work and inconvenience!

Be a strong parent. 

So that’s what was shared with the City of Hope moms and dads, and, I must say, they were a terrific audience. If you know of a group that would benefit from the QBQ! parenting message, please let us know at Parenting@QBQ.com.

Discussion question:

Of the three “PQW” principles shared above, which one do I need to embrace right now and why?

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I sat next to 24-year-old Rachel on the plane who shared that her dad was a fan of QBQ! Just a complete coincidence—if there are coincidences, that is.

When QBQ! came up and she exclaimed, “Really? Wow, my dad talks about ‘the QBQ’ all the time!” I naturally stayed as humble as possible. I responded, “That’s terrific. Thanks for saying that. I’m honored.”

And, I meant it.

But I wonder if it was really a “coincidence” because it turned out she needed to hear something from me that I needed to hear when I was a twentysomething.

In late 1985, when I was lamenting to an older friend about my corporate “8 to 5” desk job that I’d held since graduating from Cornell in 1980, he said, “Well, if you don’t like your life, why don’t you change it?”

Um, gee, Bob, that sounds awfully deep. I thought. You mean, while I’m still young, I should grasp these truths?:

My decisions have defined my destination.

Life is based on choice not chance.

I am not a victim.

In the light of these truths, I have come to understand that “I have to” is a lie. People say “I have to go to work” and “I have to go to class,” but the reality is … IT’S NOT TRUE!

You see, everything is a choice. I don’t have to go to my job; I don’t have to go to school; I don’t even have to pay my taxes. The truth is I choose to pay my taxes because I don’t like the alternatives.

So, back to Rachel, who told me about her work at a blue chip insurance firm—and her boss:

“I think that I might have the absolute worst manager in the world. She plays favorites, doesn’t talk to those she doesn’t like, is grumpy, always in her office with the door closed, and appears to be on the narcissistic side.”

Now, I know someone might think that Rachel is playing the victim or is a millennial who believes she’s entitled to a super nice manager-friend who tells her 24/7 how wonderful she is. But after I asked a few follow-up questions, I surmised she is not in a good situation. I also learned that her manager is pushing 50 and has been there over twenty years. Thus, she ain’t gonna change, nor is she going anywhere.

So as Rachel was chatting away, I rudely interrupted her and said one word:

Quit.

After a long pause she said, “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

She had been freed.

Of course, she was almost there anyway before we sat down in seats 19C and 19D. She just needed someone to nudge her a bit toward truly embracing the truth that she does not have to keep working where she is mistreated by a lousy, unskilled, self-centered supervisor. Said differently, she doesn’t have to pay the price for the mistake this organization has made retaining and promoting this manager.

I told her, even in a tough economy outstanding organizations are almost always looking for accountable, high-integrity, hard-working individuals with a heart of service.

“If that’s you, Rachel—GET. OUT. NOW!”

Now, are there times we do things that we don’t want to do, don’t enjoy, or just aren’t much fun? Of course. But the message to my young seatmate was this:

There’s nothing you have to do. We all have the power to make a decision that will direct us to a new destination. Each of us can make a choice that will change our life.

And it can all happen today.

For Comment:

Have you fallen into the “I have to” trap? If so, in what area of your life? Is there an important decision/choice you need to make? Share below!

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Because guess what? Want to know a secret?

I am entitled.

Or, said correctly, I find myself feeling entitled. Often. Regularly. And it makes me sick.

I am writing this as a “millennial.” I shudder to even use the term, as our generation has been dragged through the mud a bit. As the oldest of the millennials (“millennials” were born 1980-2000; I was born in 1983), I have struggled to identify with much of my generation. However, no matter how I feel about it, I am a millennial.

In the past three days alone, I’ve read two articles about millennials—my narcissistic, entitled, lazy, self-absorbed generation. I’ve read about our lack of professionalism, our inability to hold a decent conversation without checking our smart phones, and our inadequate understanding of or respect for the establishment. And, of course, our sorely entitled attitudes.

As I read these articles, I found myself scoffing. “Oh, those millennials. Aren’t they so cute—self-absorbed, unwilling to work hard and put the time in …” Oh wait … that’s me!

Take a look in the mirror, Kristin, because you know what you’ll see?

A millennial staring right back at you.

I’m a millennial, whether I like it or not!

You gotta love those reality checks where you realize the criticism you’ve been flinging toward others should have been directed at yourself.

But come on now, I teach on personal accountability! I run sessions based on ownership and give examples of good questions (QBQs) like, “How can I make a difference?” “What can I do to develop myself?” “How can I serve?”

And yet, I struggle with entitlement? Yes, yes I sure do.

I hear it in myself when I crave recognition, and I don’t get it. “Why don’t people recognize my efforts?”

I hear it when I want to achieve, but struggle to work hard. “Why doesn’t success come more easily?”

I recognize the entitlement in me when I want my voice to be heard, my opinion to be sought, and my help to be coveted, yet I don’t step out, lead, or take risks. “Why doesn’t anyone see the value I have to add?”

It’s sneaky and often hard to spot, but all of those thoughts lead to a place of entitlement. A place of “I deserve.” I deserve recognition; I deserve fame; I deserve respect.

The truth is I don’t deserve any of these things. I must earn them. Just like I earn a raise or a promotion. When I take a hard look at myself, I realize, “Yep! I really am a millennial: a fairly good-hearted person, easily absorbed by entitlement thinking.”

So what now? What do we do with this generation of young adults who were told from day one “You’re special!” “You can be whatever you want to be!” “Here’s a trophy just for participating” (even though you sat on the bench and the team didn’t win the championship.)

We equip them—with a practical tool. Will every single one of us embrace it? Unfortunately no. But will many of us? Yes, I believe we will.

QBQ is that tool.

For those of us millennials already in our late 20s and early 30s we need the QBQ! book. And if we are parents already, with potentially little entitled offspring of our own, we need Parenting the QBQ Way. We gotta make sure we don’t pass the mentality on to the next generation, or this world might be in a heap of trouble!

For the younger millennials, the ones like three of my sisters who are still in high school, we have I Own It! This curriculum was written by a millennial (me) for millennials.

There’s no better way to combat an entitlement mentality than with truths like ownership and accountability!

To my fellow millennials reading this post we, let’s be honest—we are everything they say we are. But that’s no excuse. Just because we are “narcissistic,” “fame-obsessed,” “convinced of [our] own greatness,” and “feel entitled to a promotion every year, regardless of performance” doesn’t mean we can just keep on living that way. Every great generation is defined not by how perfect they are on paper, but by how they rise above their shortfalls.

Millennials, our shortfall is entitlement thinking.

Let’s fight it!

For discussion:

What is your opinion of the millennial generation? What do we do well? What are the dangers of entitlement thinking? Share below!

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 *quotes from Joel Stein's cover article in Time Magazine

Perspective: It’s Everything

“Becca Boo” Lindeen, 7 1/2 months

Well, all these months later I am here to tell you she’s the happiest, most smiling, engaging baby this grandpa has ever seen! And with seven kids, I’ve seen a bunch!

No longer does she require any “EEGs” at the doctor’s as she has been declared “nearly perfect.” What a blessing! Of course, what the doc doesn’t get is we consider “Boo” to be PERFECT!

And, after spending last weekend with Joshua, the beautiful three-year-old grandson, and Becca, I just couldn’t resist telling you all about her. Many of you prayed for her, I know.

Thank you.

And, as I read again the message on PERSPECTIVE, I am struck by how timely it still is in my life.

How about you? Do you need perspective?

Feel free to share below!

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QBQ! fans know that accountable folks don’t ask Incorrect Questions (IQs) such as:

“Why don’t I ever get a break?”

“When will they communicate better?”

“Who dropped the ball?”

QBQ! believers know that IQs like these lead to Victim Thinking, Procrastination, and Blame. They also know that asking The Question Behind the Question (QBQ) is the way to eliminate these traps. QBQs such as, “What can I do to solve the problem?” and “How can I contribute?” make the difference. This is all good.

But once a person takes QBQ! to heart and begins to practice personal accountability, there are a few outward signs—traits and characteristics—she or he will exhibit. Here are just three:

1.   Transparency

“What you see is what you get” is what you see and get from people who take ownership for their lives. Not sure why, maybe it’s the “I’m happy in my own skin” thing. A confident-from-the-inside-out person readily says, “Yep, my bad” and “Right, it was my mistake.” In fact, they’ll go there as easily as an inauthentic person—as my mentor used to see—will spend time “looking good rather than being good.”

People who choose not to blame others in an attempt to hide their imperfections, deep-down insecurities, and self-esteem deficits—who have little to no need to play the recrimination game—are more genuine. This is appealing and attractive.

2.   Humility

Karen and I write this in Parenting the QBQ Way:

Accountable parents model humility by using the magic words for developing and maintaining a healthy relationship: “I’m sorry.” Humility and contrition are foundational to effective parenting, and it’s simply vital that we bring them to our families. A little “I’m sorry, I was wrong. I don’t know everything!” goes a long way.

People who are committed to personal accountability keep a mirror handy. Pulling it out often, they ask the QBQ, “Well, what could I have done differently?” And if the thought response is, Hmm, several things! then it just isn’t difficult for them to utter those outstanding words, “I’m sorry.”

3.   Joyful

Consider this: People who avoid the traps of blame, finger-pointing, whining, complaining, procrastinating are just happier people. It may be a claim on my part, but it’s a claim based on research conducted since I entered the training business in 1986.

I mean, what’s joyful about a whiner?!?

“Joy” isn’t a word we use much, but it’s a great place to live. When we are filled with joy, there’s greater contentment with what we have, more peace within, and a lot less tension and stress. “She’s happy-go-lucky” and “He’s easy to be around” are descriptions of joyful people. Practicing personal accountability in all things is one way of getting there.

So there’s our short list. Discussion question:

What other traits and characteristics come with living a life of personal accountability?

Comment away!

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Have you heard something like, “It’s better to give someone a hand up than a handout”? Well, contrary to societal opinion, it’s not a mean or cruel statement. It’s wisdom, because it strikes at the heart of human nature.

Sure, there are times to give freely to people in need because we’ve been so blessed. I believe we’re called do so and I bet you do just that.

But, when I put my hand out—feeling entitled, deserving, and play the victim—there are clear consequences:

1. I become lazy

2. I get angry

3. I fail to contribute

4. I don’t serve

5. I stop learning

Let’s look at these briefly.

I become lazy

If I am handed stuff, why sweat, labor, and toil? Even though we were created to create and designed to work, any person given all he or she needs will find the path of doing nothing an easy one to tread. I simply become lazy.

I get angry

When I believe I’m entitled and then don’t get “what I deserve,” my thoughts are, Hey, not fair! and Why would they do this to me!? And because thoughts drive feelings, the output can only be one thing: Now I’m mad! Anger is generally an unhealthy place to be, serving none of us well.

I fail to contribute

There’s not a “motivational speaker” who hasn’t said, “What goes around comes around!” and “To get you must first give!” Well, no matter your view of these sweaty people on the platform, they’re right. It’s just the way the world works. It’s forever true: we reap what we sow. Truly, when my hand is out, I’m not using it, nor my feet, energy, or talent to add value to anyone else’s life. Fail!

I don’t serve

This sounds like contribution, but it comes before. Contribution is the result; service is the act. The act of serving feeds our soul, ignites our spirit, and creates joy—in us. When engaged in victim thinking, there’s about zero chance I’ll be serving and thus contributing to anyone—not even myself.

I stop learning

If I am lost in the forest, have never been a Boy Scout and want to survive, I would have to learn and learn fast! There would be no time for the traps victim thinking leads to: complaining, blaming, and procrastinating. I would work—intensely—to find food, water, and shelter. I may lack the skills, but the desire to learn would envelope me. If you hand me all that I need to make it, I would learn nothing.

So there you go—five consequences of playing victim.

Are there any others? Share below!

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Even in a difficult economy, organizations must hire. And though “recruiting, interviewing, and selecting” is always important, it’s even more so when times are lean, mostly because the available margin of selection error is slimmer.

Said differently: We just can’t afford any hiring mistakes!

So here’s a recommendation from us on improving the odds of finding a “good hire”:

After the first or second interview, if a candidate is worth pursuing, hand them a QBQ! book. Ask them to explore its message of personal accountability and come back for the next interview ready to share.

Here are some potential questions to ask the candidate after they’ve read QBQ!:

• In one sentence, how would you sum up QBQ!?
• What part of QBQ! challenged your thinking the most?
• When there are things happening beyond your control, how do you respond?
• What does “taking ownership” mean to you?
• Describe a situation where mistakes were made and the tension was high. How did you react? After reading QBQ!, how will you respond now?
• If you hear colleagues complaining about others, what will you do?
• What do you believe are the consequences of blame?

Of course, it takes judgment to analyze responses to these questions, but hiring is entirely a judgment thing anyway. This process gives you something more to grab hold of when deciding to hire someone or not.

If a job candidate cannot articulate a clear philosophy of on-the-job accountability and ownership—do not hire them!

And, if after reading QBQ!, they still blame their “family of origin” or their last employer, avoid them like the plague! Otherwise, in a couple years, they’ll be interviewing somewhere else blaming … you!

Here’s another way to help new hires and the organization, sent to us by a client in the ever-changing healthcare world:

“John, immediately upon hire, we begin a 90 day plan for each individual and they are given two books to read. Yep, you guessed it: QBQ! and Flipping the Switch. We then require “book reports” during their first two months. We discuss the content in one-on-one coaching sessions, talking about how and when to apply the material. Each person keeps their books because we ask them to make notes in them for later reference. Doing this has helped make the principle of personal accountability a part of our culture.”

~Mike Oppedahl, Executive Vice President and COO, TBABHCS.com

Every organization has a “culture.” Here’s a fancy definition:

The values and behaviors that contribute to the unique social and psychological environment of an organization, including expectations, experiences, philosophy, and values that hold it together. Culture is based on shared attitudes, beliefs, customs, and written and unwritten rules that have been developed over time and are considered valid.

In the end, personal accountability—or the lack thereof—is cultural. And whether it begins during the selection process or on a person’s first day on the job, helping people know that blame, finger-pointing, victim thinking, entitlement, whining, complaining, inertia, lethargy, and procrastination are “not what we do here” is an outstanding way to run any organization.

For discussion:

In what way is personal accountability a core value in your organization?

If it isn’t, what needs to change?

How would using QBQ! in the hiring process add value?

Comment away! 

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Blame, it’s a bad thing—and it takes on many forms. Here’s a humorous one:

An executive at a medical products distribution organization told me, “So, yeah, we’ve got some problems, like our field salespeople calling our headquarters the ‘sales prevention club’!”

Hey, a new acronym—the SPC!

If we didn’t have the home office getting in our way, we could make more sales!

Blame can also take on the dangerous form of culprit-seeking questions like:

“Who dropped the ball?”

“Who made the mistake?”

“Who made that stupid decision?”

“Who hired these people?!?”

No matter the form, let’s be clear: Blame is bad, blame is costly. Let’s make a list …

The Costs of Blame:

• Destroys morale

• Reduces creativity

• Lowers productivity

• Increases fear

• Drives wedges between colleagues

• Breaks down teams 

And, The Big One, which is a quote from our new (free) QBQ! App:

Hind-sighting = blame. And blame solves no problems.

When we did our “gentle rewrite” of the QBQ! book, we added some FAQs. Here’s one and how we answered it. I think this Q&A sums it all up:

Q: If we can’t use the word “Who,” then how can we have a discussion of what went wrong?

A: There should be conversation around problems and how they occurred, but “whodunit” questions are almost never about solving problems. They’re about finding a culprit. “Who made the mistake?” implies that the entire story behind the problem is what one person did in that moment, but that’s almost never the full story. Yes, they did it, but what motivated them to do it? What was the situation at the time? What had they been told? How were they trained? Were they being managed well? When problems are explored in a healthy fashion, good questions are asked. We call them QBQs:

“How can I help improve our processes?” or “What can I do to discover what contributed to this?” are far better questions than, “Who did it?!”

Blame. Easy to engage in, commonplace, costly—and there’s no defending it.

The solution is practicing PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY.

It’s just as simple as that!

For Comment and Discussion:

In your opinion, what others costs of blame are there? Is there blame going on in your organization? What’s it costing … you?

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