Be Outstanding Through Personal Accountability ™

Enjoy the new 12 minute podcast with Dave Ramsey and John G. Miller: http://outstandingorganization.com/ramsey/

If someone asked me, “John, why do you and your team teach ‘Personal Accountability and the QBQ!’ wherever you go?” I would say, “Well, let’s have Steve with AutoTrader.com answer that!”

Steve’s story:

John, in February 2011 you spoke at the AutoTrader.com annual meeting in Atlanta. I was fortunate enough to receive a copy of Flipping the Switch. My first read through was completed on my fight home. There were many more reads to come.

Let’s fast forward 10 months to Friday, December 9th:

On that day I learned from my Regional Director that I’d been named “Regional Salesperson of the Year.” As I reflected on the achievement—feeling incredibly thankful—I pondered the reasons it had come about. I believe this recognition was partly a result of trying to do the right things in support of my co-workers and clients—and because of my strong belief in AutoTrader, our culture, mission, and leadership.

But, I truly believe the underlying reason for this achievement was the change that occurred in my thought process and behavior when I learned how to use “the question behind question”—the QBQ—to “flip the switch”!

Thanks to the QBQ! principles, I know that my results are mine to own and if they’re not what I wanted, I can’t blame my boss, my colleagues, my clients, or my family. Ownership and personal accountability are all about the choices that I make in my career and life. Over the past year, QBQ! became my approach in consulting, selling, coaching, relating, and interacting. QBQ! has led to deeper conversations and relationships, both at work and at home.

And a wonderfully satisfying end-of-year result!

Thank you!

Steve

—————————

And that’s why we teach “Personal Accountability and the QBQ!” But I need to say this to Steve:

A tool is of no value unless it’s used. You, Steve, heard the QBQ! message and ran with it, putting it into action. Now that’s outstanding!

Meanwhile, lots of good stuff happening with QBQ! If you believe in PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY, read on …

• Enjoy the brand new 12 minute podcast with authors Dave Ramsey and John G. Miller: http://outstandingorganization.com/ramsey/

• Parenting the QBQ! Way, an e-book by John G. Miller with Karen G. Miller, written to answer the question moms and dads have asked, “How can I best utilize the QBQ at home?” is coming. For your convenience, it can be ordered here now:

Amazon Kindle:

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-QBQ-Way-Accountability-ebook/dp/B005UT19CE/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326459133&sr=1-1

B&N Nook:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/parenting-the-qbq-way?keyword=parenting+the+qbq+way&store=allproducts

iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/book/parenting-the-qbq-way/id472468498?mt=11

• The new rewrite/version of the QBQ! book is available! Learn what’s new: http://qbq.com/whats-new-in-the-new-qbq-book/

• Believe middle and high schoolers can be more accountable? Take more ownership? If so, check out our new I Own It! Building Character Through Personal Accountability program for schools: http://qbq.com/schools/

• And QBQ! for churches and small groups is right here: http://qbq.com/churches/

Thanks for believing in QBQ!

John G. Miller

John@QBQ.com

Subscribe to QBQ! QuickNotes

by John G. Miller

The QBQ! message of PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY touches every part of our lives: professional, spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, and financial. Let’s explore that last one—FINANCES—for three reasons. First, a money discussion is a relevant one because money is so integral to our lives, whether we like saying that out loud or not. Second, it’s the time of year when many people work to practice greater personal accountability in managing their income. And lastly, I’m blessed to be on The Dave Ramsey Show on the radio Thursday, January 26th at 3:30 Eastern time. Please tune in!

Allow me to share our personal journey …

Let’s go back a bit. Okay, waaaaay back. Not quite before indoor plumbing, but close. I had been working for a fine firm called Cargill as a grain trader in Mankato, Minnesota since 1980 when, in June of ’82, the company transferred Karen and me to Great Falls, Montana. Exciting! At 24 and 22 years old and originally from UpState, NY, we were going to the great state of Montana—and with a raise! Yep, I had been making $19,500 annually and Cargill bumped me up to $22,000 and said GO WEST! So we did.

When we arrived, not only did we buy our first house ($47,500 and built in 1904), we immediately did what all newby Montanans must do: We bought cowboy and cowgirl boots! They weren’t cheap, but they were pretty cool—at least we thought so. And for some reason, on that boot-buying day, we decided to treat ourselves to new watches! Why?

I don’t know!

And then we bought a ferret. Yes, you read that right. Forever the animal lovers, and no longer apartment dwellers, a ferret was just what we needed. Little did we know that the following year, Felix the Ferret would be stealing Kristin the First Born’s baby bottles and teething rings!

Anyway, after a few more unnecessary purchases the salary increase was spent.

Life continued. We moved briefly to Missouri and then back to Minnesota where Tara, Child #2, was born in 1985. I then changed careers in 1986. Finances were tight as we lived paycheck to paycheck. Nothing too serious, though. I mean, we were both working (Karen was a registered nurse), credit cards weren’t a habit back then, and we didn’t have school loans, so there wasn’t serious debt beyond our mortgage and one car payment.

But we certainly were not saving for the future!

And no matter where we lived or what our income was, one thing seemed to dog us: The sin of spontaneous, impulsive and, yes, immature, spending. Till 1987.

That’s when everything changed—for the better. I don’t even know why. I just know we had an epiphany—the veil had been lifted—and we both realized we could do better.

Yes, I had moved into a higher income profession selling management and leadership training to corporations, but the change that truly made the difference was we began engaging in some much needed disciplines.

Here’s what happened:

(Warning—no rocket science is about to be shared!)

We went to a cash system. In envelopes. They sat full of paper bills in a kitchen drawer. Safe? Maybe not. Smart? You betcha! We wrote down everything we spent. We talked about money. As Dave Ramsey says, we “bothered to bother.” In other words, we cared enough to stay on top of where our money was coming from and where it was going. It became a purposeful pursuit and practice, a part of our lifestyle.

I can’t say it was always fun. Those childlike desires of wanting whatever we wanted when we wanted it were still there and needed to be tamped down. Sometimes, they had to be stomped on hard—with those stupid western boots we never wore anymore!

Admittedly, it did create some marital stress when I would ask, “OK, what did you spend today?” Yeah, I was sometimes a bit obsessed with the “tracking and recording” procedures.

But I will also say this, and Karen would agree: The strain of monitoring where the dollars were going was a lot less painful than having the financial wolf at the door. Not only that, the positive outcomes of “bothering to bother” were these: We increased our saving, our charitable giving, and our peace of mind.

Now that’s victory!

It all came from living by a few simple, commonsense disciplines. And may I add, working hard to take some personal accountability for subordinating our childlike desires and practices. Man, those bad habits will do great damage to one’s finances … we know!

Twenty-five years later, living debt free, Karen and I know this: It’s an amazing blessing to not owe any person one dime. Banishing that wolf forever is surely a worthy goal. It’s also one that Dave Ramsey’s teachings can help anyone achieve. So stop by www.daveramsey.com today and on Thursday 1/26/12 at 3:30 Eastern time, turn your radio on as Dave and I talk about the just released “gently revised” version of the QBQ! book.

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY—a timely and timeless message.

Oh, and if you’re a parent or happen know one, the brand new Parenting the QBQ Way e-Book can be found here: http://qbq.com/parents

John G. Miller
Author of Outstanding!

Outstanding Holidays Don’t Just Happen

The holidays.

A season all about Family, Faith, and Friends. For many, it’s also a time of Food, Football, Festivities, Fun—and Freedom. Not just the blessing of living in a “free country,” but also maybe—just maybe—a little less tied to our jobs and a little more sleeping, puttering, and simply doing nothing on some days! Sounds great, doesn’t it?

But how about these words? Frenetic—a crazy, stress-filled pace. Finances—jubilant joy leads to dangerous debt. Frustration—things don’t quite go the way we planned. Fear—of being alone, left out. Fatigue—we simply do too much and return in January needing the month just to recover!

The reality is this: The holidays, for lots of people, just aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. Though we want them to stand out—that is, to be outstanding—they often fall short of our expectations. But, with some work, some discipline, and some adherence to fundamental ideas and principles, we can each experience an exceptional season.

By extracting concepts from the book Outstanding!—yes, written for the world of corporations, nonprofits, government entities, churches and schools—and applying them to this time of year, we can make the best of the holidays. And since most holiday celebrations involve families—which are organizations—let’s utilize the essences of nine of the 47 Outstanding! chapters to create a stellar season!

Choose to Change: Holiday traditions are great, but remember: Any strength taken to an extreme becomes a weakness. Outstanding families, like outstanding organizations, are willing to set aside “the way we’ve always done things” now and then. Keeping the end goals of joy, fun, and celebration in mind, we might need do things differently. Never forget: Blessed are the flexible, for they cause others to not get bent out of shape!

Keep the Mission Top of Mind: If you believe the “reason for the season” is faith (worshiping God and being thankful) and/or family (traditions and coming together) then don’t forget the “Why” behind the activities. Let purpose come before tasks, otherwise, the tasks can overwhelm the mission—and what’s the sense in that?

Get Actions In Line With Values: If we espouse values like love, caring, and acceptance, let’s ensure that our behaviors support those ideas. Integrity—actions in line with stated values—is a rare commodity in our world, so let’s allow that light to shine at home. Example: If we embrace the word “humility,” let’s avoid boasting, bragging, and topping each other in our interactions. Another: If I say I believe in relaxing and resting, then draw a few boundaries and say NO! if you really want to. It’s okay to not participate in some activities this time of year.

Fight the Fat: And we’re not talking about calories here! As Dave Ramsey says, when it comes to finances, “Bother to bother.” In other words, decide to stay on top of and in control of the dollars. By cutting up the plastic money and living within our means, we’ll experience a far more joyous … January!

Forgive Mistakes: What could be a more perfect way to achieve outstanding holidays than to let some stuff slide? Humans sometimes do say the wrong thing, make mistakes, exercise poor judgment, drop the ball, and forget to act. When these things happen, it’s an amazing opportunity to choose forgiveness. Practice the words, “No big deal. Let’s forget it.”

Let Every Player Count: A little lifting up of each person is a good thing. Careful that one individual’s needs and agenda don’t “rule the roost.” Let’s do our best to help each person—from 2 to 92—feel special. It’s a time to honor everyone on the team!

Speak Well: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) So true! As the tension and stress build, make sure that the way we talk to others—both our words and tone—is encouraging, loving, and supportive.

Listen In All Directions: In Outstanding! we write about listening in three ways: Management listening to the people, the people listening to each other, and everyone listening to the customer. My favorite part is where we take “multi-tasking” to task as a very bad habit. During these precious days, let’s set the iPods, laptops, and PDAs aside—cease the Tweeting, status updating, and surfing—and look each other in the eye, saying, “Go ahead, you are the most important person in my world at this moment and I want to hear every word you have to say.”

Someone Needs to Be the Boss: Lastly, parents, I beseech you—please parent! Family gatherings are hurt when the wrong people are in charge: the children. Let’s hold our kids to a new (yet old fashioned) level of respect, manners, and courtesy. The truth is, it’s not all about the children—and sometimes they need to know that. If your young child needs a really long “time out,” then take action. Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that—surprise, surprise!—you are the boss. (More on outstanding parenting in the new ebook coming soon titled “Parenting the QBQ Way”)

So there they are: Nine ways to have an outstanding holiday season. Share this with others—apply them yourself—and see what a difference they can make. And then come back in 2012 ready to make our organizations outstanding, too!

John G. Miller
Author of … http://qbq.com/qbq-books

by John G. Miller, author of QBQ!, Flipping the Switch, and Outstanding!

Today I received an email from a young man who has discovered that PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY does work after all! Here it is, as written. Enjoy:

Dear Mr. Miller:

I’d like to thank you for writing QBQ! The Question Behind the Question. I was introduced to your book before entering the Governor Orr Fellowship this past summer. At 23 years old, I had lots of questions about professional conduct prior to accepting my current position. I turned to you book for advice and mentorship. I found your insight and analysis of “blame” to be spot-on. Quite frequently in the workspace, people turn to blame. In fact, at one point our company was initializing boxes so that if an error occurred, we could find out who was at fault. I quickly recognized this practice to be disadvantageous. Nothing was gained by finding out exactly who slipped up in their responsibility. We alienated each other and the “team” aspect of our workplace deteriorated. Fortunately, our practices have changed, and our work environment has improved.

After seeing this improvement, I knew QBQ! held water. No other resource is as quick and easy to read and implement. Thank you for your efforts!

Regards,

Charlie

Be Like Butler Brad

by John G. Miller

Twitter: @QBQguy

I grew up a wrestler. For that reason—and because I top out at 5′ 6″—I’ve never been much of a basketball fan. And if I did watch the sport on TV, it was the NBA and our local Denver Nuggets, not the NCAA. But that’s all changed now, thanks to Coach Brad at Butler University.

A digression …

In September of 2010, we received a QBQ! QuickNote subscription from Cathy in Indiana. As many of you know, when you sign up we ask, “How did you hear of QBQ!?” The responses range from “My dad told me about it!” to “I found a copy at the thrift store!” to “Our CEO bought everybody a copy!” It’s always fun for me to see how QBQ! (as well as Flipping the Switch and Outstanding!) came into someone’s life.

And on that day in 2010 Cathy wrote this:

“Brad Stevens, the head coach of the Butler Bulldogs basketball team (NCAA runner-up to Duke in 2010), spoke at our staff meeting. Part of his message was about personal accountability, and he mentioned the QBQ! book. He said it is required reading for all of his players. When something goes wrong on the court like a bad call, missed pass, or a player loses his man on defense, the players can come back to the sidelines distracted by what just happened. That’s when the coaching staff simply says “QBQ!” and everybody knows what that means—and gets refocused. Something certainly is working for them, so I was compelled to read the QBQ! book, too.”

Honestly, my first thought was, Who is Brad Stevens? Well, thanks to Cathy’s note and a call the same week from an Alabama coach looking for QBQ! books for his team (he’d heard about QBQ! from Coach Brad, as well), I thought it was high time I thank this guy—whoever he was!

Well, what a treat it was when Coach Brad responded to my email, affirming it’s true that all Butler players for the past several years have been given QBQ! to read.

So, I started to take note of this man from afar—and I am impressed. Allow me to share what I think he understands …

Teamwork: Coach Brad knows that even in a tremendously collaborative arena like basketball, it’s STILL ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL. Don’t buy the lie, “There are no I’s in team!” Not true. Every corporate, nonprofit, athletic, family, and church team I’ve ever come across is full of I’s. And it’s amazing what a team can do when each person practices Personal Accountability. Teamwork is great, but high functioning teams are built on individuals who don’t blame, procrastinate, or engage in victim thinking.

Humility: After Butler’s come-from-behind victory against Florida in the 2011 NCAA tourney, he stated in an ESPN interview that he’d been “out coached” and that his assistants and team had carried him. This statement, coming after a big win, caused a lot of head scratching in the media. Why? Well, it’s simple: The sports world isn’t accustomed to hearing contrite statements like that.

Perspective: People speculate about which big school might offer him a ton of money to come coach. To that Coach Brad says, “It’s not like I’m a guy who thinks the grass is greener somewhere else just because everybody says it’s supposed to be. I think that we are very fortunate to have really green grass at Butler.” For a young guy who’s become famous real fast, he still has both feet planted firmly on the ground. A rarity in our world today.

Maturity: Go ahead, watch him on the sidelines. This is one guy you won’t see cussing at the officials and throwing chairs out of childlike anger. His calm and cool style is an outstanding example for players and coaches everywhere … and the rest of us, too.

Grace: After Butler’s loss to University of Connecticut in the 2011 finals, he stated, “I don’t love my guys any less because we lost.” Hmmm, I bet young athletes everywhere could stand to hear an it’s-not-all-about-winning message from mom and dad, and their coaches, too.

Personal Accountability: Coach Stevens made a very meaningful statement to me. He said, “Accountability is a core value for our team and QBQ! defines it for us.” Obviously, I couldn’t be more honored. Thank you, Coach! But after watching him being interviewed several times now, I didn’t really need him to tell me that. It’s evident in his words and his actions. Clearly, Personal Accountability is not just a corporate value for the Butler team, but a personal value for the Butler coach.

I’m sure there is much more to Coach Brad Stevens—the husband, the dad, the man of faith—but I’ve never met him. I hope to someday. And if I do, it’ll be me asking for his autograph. I’ll also thank him for not only engendering in a former grappler an interest in college basketball, but for representing his sport in an outstanding way.

Note: As always, we’d be delighted to have you forward this QuickNote to everyone you know, but at the very least, please send to coaches, school superintendents, and athletic directors everywhere. Thank you!

John G. Miller
The QBQ! Guy
Author of …

Outstanding!, QBQ!, and Flipping the Switch

The Most Powerful Teacher

by John G. Miller

Twitter: @QBQGuy

My wife, Karen, (Twitter @QBQMom), recently said to me, “John, you have an opinion on absolutely everything!” As I thought about her statement, I realized an opinion was forming in my mind …

She’s right. I always have.

I probably got it from my dad, the Cornell University wrestling coach and pastor. He loved to teach, as well as freely share his opinions—on people, places, and things. And since modeling is the most powerful of all teachers, and our most critical role models are our parents, I suppose I got the tendency to always have an opinion from him.

Now, having opinions is not necessarily a bad thing, but it could be since it’s true that any strength taken to an extreme becomes a weakness. Having strong and frequent opinions can lead us to improving, well, anything! But having too many opinions can cause frustration, stress, and relational damage. It can feel—and be—critical. It’s a fine line. I’ve had to learn to bite my tongue and not always share what I’m thinking. The reality is some things just aren’t worth having an opinion on.

In QBQ! The Question Behind the Question, about halfway through the book, we pose this question: “As you’ve been reading this material on personal accountability, who have you been picturing, thinking, ‘I wish they could hear this, because they need it!’”

And since I did write the book, I will stipulate to the fact that I can’t, even with all my opinions, change anyone but me. But if I had no opinions, then QBQ! and its companion book, Flipping the Switch, would never have been written! And the new team study book, Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional, would’ve been titled—if it had been written at all—Mediocre! Absolutely 0 Ways to Improve the Place.

On a recent flight I sat next to a woman with wisdom. And, of course, wisdom is what we learn after we know it all. That’s who and what she was: A wise person who could teach others simply by how she lived. As we chatted, she shared that when she first moved to a certain big city with her husband and three young children, not one neighbor came to greet them. The weeks went by, they unloaded boxes and hung pictures and drapes, but nobody welcomed them to the neighborhood. So one day she told her kids, “Let’s bake cookies for all!” —and they did. Then, loading up their little red Radio Flyer wagon, they spent a Saturday morning delivering fresh, still-warm homemade cookies and big smiles to their new neighbors, up and down the street.

Upon hearing her story, I commented, “Um, gee, that’s really something. Your family was the new family in the neighborhood and yet you took cookies to people!?” Her response was wise. Leaning toward me with a hint of mischief in her eyes, she nearly whispered, “Sometimes you just gotta teach people how to live.”

I know what she meant, and you do, too. She wasn’t being arrogant, haughty, or proud. She was actually endorsing what we teach in our books: I can’t change others, but I sure can model the right behaviors myself. She definitely had an opinion on this whole topic of how to be neighborly, but instead of lashing out at people, playing the victim, or complaining about the neighbors in front of the children, she turned her opinion into action. Yes, action that all could see. And most importantly, she had three children watching her. I bet as adults now, they chuckle over Mom’s fine example as they, with their kids in tow, deliver cookies to people who maybe, possibly, just don’t quite know “how to live.”

And that’s okay. I mean, who doesn’t feel better eating a fresh, still-warm homemade cookie—and learning a valuable life lesson at the same time?

Remember, modeling is the most powerful of all teachers. Let’s turn our opinions into actions.

And now let’s turn this QuickNote into action by asking The Question Behind the Question (QBQ):

“What action can I take today that sets an outstanding example for others?”

John G. Miller
The QBQ! Guy

If you believe in Safety and it’s an initiative in your organization, enjoy this message from Chapter Eleven of the Flipping the Switch book. Purchase it at our site or Amazon:

“Owning Safety”

Sometimes a problem or situation can be owned by the wrong people. Ron Pote, an expert on safety in the workplace, told me this story:

“When I was the department manager of a large and inherently dangerous paper mill, I got a call at 5 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Steve, one of my night-shift guys, was hurt. Within thirty minutes I met his terrified wife and three crying children at the hospital. He had a broken arm, fractured skull and numerous lacerations. He was in really bad shape, but would live.

“What happened was this: Steve had removed a metal protective screen from a large piece of equipment so he could reach in to make an adjustment. That’s when his shirtsleeve caught on a rotating shaft and pulled him in. Honestly, he could’ve been killed.

“When I heard what he had done my first thoughts were, Why would Steve do such a thing? Why would he take a chance like that and risk his own safety? I just couldn’t understand why someone would violate the company’s safety policy by removing protective guards. Steve was a model employee and should have known better. What was he thinking?

“And then it hit me: Steve and his family were now suffering because of the culture I—and others in management—had created. We had a safety program in place, but too much of it involved slapping slogans on the wall, disciplining people for violations, purchasing better equipment, or lecturing employees endlessly in meetings. Bluntly put, our problem was that Ownership for safety in the plant belonged more to managers than team members. It was clear that greater responsibility needed to be shifted to the people who would ultimately bear the consequences of an unsafe action. As managers, we would never be able to prevent accidents like Steve’s, because we could not be in all places at all times to make all the decisions. If our safety record was to further improve, individuals needed to watch out for themselves—and their teammates.

“It took about three years to change the safety culture of my department and the plant. Now we all understand that each of us must take Ownership for our personal on-the-job safety—to own our choices and actions. Every moment. No excuses.”

Beat the Ref

Chapter 16 of the QBQ! book

My father, Jimmy Miller, was head wrestling coach at Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y., for more than 25 years. When he sent me out to the mat, he’d always remind me I had three people to beat that day: my opponent, myself, and the referee.

That I had to beat my opponent was obvious. By “myself” he meant I had to overcome the fears any athlete naturally has. About beating the ref, he’d say, “It doesn’t matter how close the match is, John. Even if you lose in overtime by one point, even if he makes a couple of questionable calls, you cannot blame the man in black and white.” He’d conclude by saying, “If you want to win, you must be good enough to beat the ref!”

Good enough to beat the ref. That means being a salesperson who has the maturity to say, “I was outsold,” instead of complaining about product, price and the lack of advertising. It means serving as a team member who never says, “Why don’t others pull their own weight?” It means being a manager who doesn’t complain, “Why aren’t my people motivated?” It means being people who don’t complain about management saying, “Why don’t they tell us what’s going on?”

Who is the “ref” in your life? What person or situation beyond your control is standing between you and success? Could it be a supervisor who over-manages, making it difficult for you to do your job, or inefficient systems built into your organization that waste a lot of your time? Or maybe it’s a personal situation that saps your energy.

No matter what we’re trying to accomplish, there’s always a barrier of some kind to overcome, and it’s often something over which we have no control. Instead of focusing on the barriers, let’s work to become so good that we’ll succeed no matter how many bad calls the ref may throw at us.

If you want to win, don’t complain about things beyond your control. Just be good enough to beat the ref.

… excerpted from the QBQ! book.

It Could’ve Been Worse!

by Kristin Lindeen
“The QBQ! Daughter”

Serving as a church youth leader, I was taking middle school students to a camp in the Rocky Mountains along with three other adult volunteers. The youth pastor had organized several borrowed vehicles for the journey. I was driving a mini-van packed to the brim with six noisy girls and their stuff. It was bedlam. Sixth to eighth graders equate “van ride to camp” with “candy and sugared beverages binge!” Not long into the trip, an emergency bathroom break was required, so our caravan pulled into a gas station in a little mountain town. I was the first to park. Minutes later, in the van again, I began to back up. That’s when I heard the sound no driver wants to hear: Frantic honking mixed with the sickening thud of crunching metal. I had reversed my way right into another youth leader’s car! Jumping out of my BORROWED vehicle, I learned that Ben, another leader, had parked right behind me. Oh, Ben, I thought, why would you do that?! Immediately, lousy thoughts bombarded my brain.

“Who parks like that?”

“Why did he do this?”

“Whose idea was this bathroom break anyway?!”

“This is the students’ fault! They distracted me!”

Trying to keep my composure, I became very aware of six pairs of eyes and six noses pressed up against the windows of the van, watching my every move. And in the car I hit, there were five more young faces watching me. Talk about a chance to “role model”! So, I shoved the lousy questions aside and set to work, asking, “What can I do to fix this?” I ran inside, purchased duct tape, and together, Ben and I began taping his now dangling side mirror back on. Then I saw the massive dent in Ben’s driver side door and thought, Oh, man. Bummer! When the youth pastor came over to check on us, he stood with his hands on his hips and kind of shook his head as if to say, “Silly little volunteer. You need to be more careful.”

When it was time to go, we all got into our cars. Still shaking a bit, I was ready to move on— physically and emotionally. But then I saw something I couldn’t believe: The youth pastor, with his car now moving backward, slamming right into a cement pillar! The back of his borrowed van swallowed the pole. All I could do was watch. The Sugar High Gang in my vehicle immediately became deathly silent. They were now waiting—again—to see how I’d respond. I opened my door, got out, and walked over to where the pastor was now standing surveying the damage. Moving in close, I put my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight. He looked down at me—since he’s a foot taller—and I looked up, smirking. Now staring into my husband, Erik’s, eyes, I didn’t say a word. Not being able to stand it anymore, with guilt and shame written all over his face, he said, “Fine, I admit it! I had been thinking some really prideful thoughts about you and your little accident!”

It was a marvelous moment.

As the oldest of seven Miller kids, I’ve grown up knowing about QBQ! and its message of personal accountability. But it’s like being a pastor’s kid: You hear it so much it’s easy to forget how powerful it is. But on that accident-prone day in the Colorado Rockies, I was reminded of how practical—and necessary—asking The Question Behind the Question really is. That day at the gas station could’ve turned out much worse if I had succumbed to the temptation to ask lousy questions, and a terrible example would’ve been shown to the youth.

Plus, I’d have missed a perfectly precious moment with my husband, one that I will never forget. In fact, I may even mention it to him now and then—just for fun.

Kristin E. Lindeen
QBQ! speaker/workshop leader
Kristin@QBQ.com
Twitter: KRISTINLINDEEN